A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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