She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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