this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
