I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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