the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize