Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
