Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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