Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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