Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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