the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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