Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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