I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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