So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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