I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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