I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
