Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
