if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
