we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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