i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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