My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
