you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
