You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
