Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
