the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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