You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
