why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
