You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
