Whats the glycemic index on semen?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
