we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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