we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
