I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
