You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
