I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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