I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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