I need to stop coming to work sober
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
