Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize