I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
