I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My pussy is not your playground.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
