Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this will be a night to untag.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
