i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
