if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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