I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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