If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
