if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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