there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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