where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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