sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
