you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
