I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
