Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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