Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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