Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
where are my eyebrows?
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