last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
