kristin has been a bad kristin
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
