The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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