I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
