I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
