The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
