Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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