wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
