i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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