just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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