Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
