Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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