Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
