we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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