it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
