I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
