"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
