There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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