Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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