i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
