don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
